


Frolics, Frills and Fantastic Fun

by mezzogal



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9462683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mezzogal/pseuds/mezzogal
Summary: Sebastian, Kimi, NIco and Jenson spend an afternoon at a fun fair





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CustardCreamies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/gifts).



> Hi! This is my first F1 fic. It was a prompt by CustardCreamies. I don't actually follow the sport so I apologise for any out of character-ness. Hope you enjoy the story! :)

Kimi Raikkonen sat back in the white lawn chair and sipped contentedly at his cool orange cream mimosa. Next to him, Sebastian Vettel was sipping from the largest cup of coffee he had ever seen. Now and then, he dunked a piece of garlic bruschetta into the liquid, sending up fumes that woke up everyone in the immediate vicinity. Across the table, Jenson Button attacked a plate of pancakes, eggs, bacon and hash browns with gusto. It was, altogether, an almost perfect start to the day.

The only problem was that Nico Rosberg, who was supposed to join them for brunch, was missing. After waiting and texting him in vain for 45 minutes, the three friends decided to carry on without him. After all, brunch only extended to a certain time and all of them had enough of merely watching the other diners at the café tuck hungrily into their meals while waiting.

The tranquillity of the café was shattered when the tall German crashed in, tripping over a small stool that was meant to keep the front door open. “Sorry, everyone,” he chirped as he picked up the stool and walked over to the al fresco eating area. “Gentlemen,” he announced, “I have found an amazing way to spend our afternoon.”

Three pairs of eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You were supposed to meet us an hour and a half ago,” Kimi pointed out.

“I got sidetracked,” Nico waved off the remark. He pulled out some sheets of paper and spread them out on the table. They were four incredibly garish maps. On top of each was the legend “Uncle Bingo’s FANTASTICALLY FUN Day Out!!!!! Frolics and Frills for All Ages!”

“What’s on earth is this?” Sebastian asked. “Did you run away and join the circus?”

“Don’t be stupid; no one does that these days,” Nico countered. “This, gentlemen, is how we are going to spend our afternoon.”

Jenson studied the maps. “We’re visiting a fair?” he clarified. Nico nodded enthusiastically. “It looks… interesting,” he grudgingly conceded. “It’s been a long time since I last went to a fair.”

“Great! You’re in!” Nico pointed at him in confirmation and handed him a map. “Seb? Kimi?”

“No,” Kimi refused emphatically.

“Oh come on, Kimi,” Sebastian cajoled. “It’ll be fun. We could ride the roller coasters, play Whack-A-Mole, and eat cotton candy and popcorn.”

“Why would anyone want to whack a mole? Isn’t that animal abuse?” Kimi quibbled.

Jenson rolled his eyes. “It’s a game,” he explained. “Seb, you in?”

“I’m in,” Sebastian replied, flashing him a thumbs up.

“Right then,” Nico concluded. “It’s three against one. Kimi, you’re in and you’re going to enjoy it. Congratulations!”

Sebastian and Jenson let out a little cheer. Kimi groaned. “I’m too old for these kind of things,” he muttered.

“Now, don’t let the old man here hear it,” Nico warned, clapping Jenson on the back. “If he can do it, so can you. Now, _jaatelo kyynarpaa_ , Oh Ancient One.”

Kimi gave him a queer look. “What did you just say?” he asked.

“ _Jaatelo kyynarpaa_ ,” Nico repeated slowly. “It’s ‘move it’ in Finnish. Lewis taught it to me. Don’t you know your own language?”

“You just said ‘ice cream elbow’!”

Sebastian spat out his mouthful of coffee and started howling with laughter. “Ice cream elbow!” he roared. “Ice cream on your elbow!”

“Maybe he means to elbow him while eating ice cream,” Jenson contributed.

“Or maybe elbow him with ice cream,” Sebastian continued.

“Perhaps his elbow turned into ice cream,” Jenson added.

“His elbow was creamed and he had to put ice on it,” Sebastian offered.

The pair of them continued to come up with more interpretations of the phrase, each more ridiculous than the last, as Nico called for the bill and hustled them all out of the café and towards the fair.


	2. Chapter 2

It did not take them long to find the fair. They could hear honky-tonk music playing from a distance and smell popcorn. Every lamp post leading up to it was covered with colourful posters advertising the fair. People were milling about excitedly, talking about the fun they had playing the games and riding the rides. Sebastian, Kimi, Nico and Jenson joined the queue to buy tickets and quickly got into the fair.

The fairground was large and full of stalls of all sizes. There were food stalls, games and rides. A main street divided the fair in half. On the left side, a roller coaster was making its way round the undulating track, while on the right, a ferris wheel dominated the landscape.

“Right, so, how shall we do this?” Nico asked. “Left side first or right side? Or zig-zag across both halves?”

“How about just hitting the things we want to do?” Sebastian suggested.

It seemed like a logical idea, but they all got into an argument over who wanted to do what. Kimi still refused to participate, but even then, it was hard to find something that the other three all wanted to.

“Why don’t we make it a contest?” Jenson finally proposed. “We’ve only got a few hours until we have to go, so why not Nico and I take the right side, and Seb and Kimi take the left? We’ll all do five rides and games and meet at the other end. The one who finishes first wins. Losers buy dinner.”

“Wait, is it five games and five rides? Or altogether adding up to five?” Sebastian haggled.

“Altogether! We don’t have time for five games and five rides,” Jenson retorted.

“And we have to take selfies of ourselves at the game or ride to prove we did them,” Nico quickly added.

They agreed and parted ways. Sebastian dragged a very reluctant Kimi over to the left side, and made a beeline for the roller coaster. Kimi plodded along, trying not to look interested in anything. But when they arrived at the roller coaster, he had no choice but to speak. “What on earth is that? That does not look safe,” he gawked. The roller coaster was wooden and looked extremely old and rickety. The beams holding up the track rattled every time the carriages passed over them.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Sebastian assured him. “Come on, old man.” He led the way to the entry gate. “Just us, that’s great! I hate having to fight for the front seat.”

“Probably because no one else has a death wish,” Kimi mused darkly.

“Come on. You drive around race tracks at dangerously high speeds for a living. What’s a little roller coaster compared to that?” Sebastian challenged.

“Comparing racing to this roller coaster is like comparing a space rocket to a little launcher you built in your backyard,” Kimi grumbled. “The space rocket is of the highest technology and incorporates the latest safety features. The backyard launcher is probably going to blow up in your face.”

“This roller coaster is not going to blow up; I guarantee it,” Sebastian said confidently.

“Probably because it has no engine,” Kimi opined.

“It’s got an engine – look there, under the carriage.” Sebastian pointed at a mess of wires and metal as the carriage passed. He then pulled out his cellphone and snapped a selfie of them. “All right, it’s time. Let’s go!”

The pair of them passed an attendant who looked incredulously at them. The attendant warned them that there were no safety belts and that the fair would not be liable for any injury, death or loss of personal items while riding the roller coaster. Sebastian waved happily at him and climbed into the front carriage. Kimi cautiously got in beside him and gripped the wooden side hard.

Sebastian laughed. “You can close your eyes and think of Finland if you’re scared,” he offered.

“ _Sinulla ei ole kaikki muumit laaksossa_ ,” Kimi told him. (You don’t have all the moomins in the valley)

“Wait a minute, was that an insu… aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!” Sebastian’s words trailed off as the roller coaster carriage shot forward at a much higher speed than he was expecting. Kimi was right; the roller coaster was a death trap. Sebastian was forced to hang on for dear life when the carriage made a precipitous turn

Kimi seemed to be enjoying himself. At least, his face was not the stony sulk it had been and there may even be a hint of a smile. The carriage made a slow climb up an ascent, and he whipped out his cellphone and snapped a selfie of the both of them just as the bottom flew out from under them and they plummeted down the track on the other side, yelling their lungs out as they did.

There were several more twists and turns. Some coins fell out of Sebastian’s shirt pocket at one point, and Kimi almost dropped his cellphone. When they finally got back to the beginning point, they were both wobbly legged and the attendant had to help them out.

“That was amazing!” Sebastian gushed. “Want to go again?”

Kimi hit him on the side of the head with his rolled up map.

* * *

Nico and Jenson wandered through the maze of stalls for a while, wondering what they should do first. They passed numerous food stalls, and they stopped for a while to sample the fried chicken, sausages, cookies and popcorn. They also paused to see a dancing poodle act that they came across in the vacant space between two stalls. 

Then, Nico grabbed Jenson’s arm and pointed. It was a High Striker game where players had to use a mallet and hit a lever. If the player hit hard enough, it would sound a bell at the top. “You’re a body builder, aren’t you, Button?” he teased. “That should be a piece of cake. Go on, make me proud.”

“After you, spaghetti arms,” Jenson gestured courteously.

Nico smirked and strode up to the game. The attendant – a stout man with a huge moustache – grinned and handed him an extremely large mallet. “You win prizes only if you hit above 60,” the attendant explained. “Hit the bell to 100 and you win the biggest prize.”

“Go on, Rosberg,” Jenson challenged. “I’ll bet you a corn dog that you can’t even hit 10.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m stronger than I look!” Nico declared. He took the mallet and almost dropped it immediately. Jenson began laughing. “I wasn’t ready yet!” He positioned his hands more securely on the handle and swung the mallet experimentally a few times. “Ok. Come on, Rosberg, you’ve got this.” He stepped up to the plate, raised the mallet, brought it down… and missed the lever entirely.

Jenson and the attendant both were laughing hysterically at this point. “Hey, Nico, the target’s there, the one with the big red circle,” Jenson prompted.

“Best of three. Just you wait,” Nico countered. He gripped the mallet again and prepared to raise it. But as he did so, it slipped. It managed hit the lever as it came down though.

“15!” the attendant announced loudly.

Nico gave Jenson a thumbs up. “Next one. I know the trick of it now.” He raised his mallet for the third try. He gauged his position, the angle of the mallet and the height he had to reach, and then slammed the mallet down as hard as he could.

“58!” the attendant declared. “Sorry. Just missed.”

Nico swore and handed the mallet over to Jenson. “All right, Arnold Schwarzenegger, show us what you’ve got.”

Jenson strolled up to the machine and took the mallet. “Step back, little man, let the expert show you how it’s done.” He raised the mallet with one hand and hit down on the lever.

“65!”

“Best of three, Nico?” Jenson asked.

“Go for it.”

Jenson repositioned his stance, lifted the mallet again and brought it down.

“89!”

He again adjusted his stance and lifted the mallet with both hands this time. He forcefully whacked the mallet down, letting out a war cry as he did so. A loud bell resounded through the air.

“100!” the attendant yelled and began a loud spiel. “My god! We have a winner! You join the leagues of the strongest men in the world, sir. Congratulations! Whatever you’re eating for breakfast every day, I want some too.”

Nico was astounded. “I don’t believe it. How did you do that?”

Jenson collected his prizes – a gilt trophy, an extremely huge red-and-white lollipop and a troll figurine. “Hours and hours in the gym,” he informed Nico. “Now, what was that about us having to take a selfie?”

Nico grinned at him and pulled out his cellphone.


	3. Chapter 3

Neither Sebastian nor Kimi had any desire to do anything too exciting after defying death on the roller coaster. They wandered around, looking at the little stalls and pondering over the games. At least, that was what Sebastian did. Kimi seemed to have fallen back into his former attitude of all this being too childish for him. To be fair, everything here was a little kitsch, but that was part of the charm. After all, one could not have sophisticated tastefulness all the time. 

Then, Sebastian heard the sound of engines and the dull thud of things crashing into other things. He searched for the source of the sound and grinned from ear to ear when he found it. Bumper cars! Race car drivers were not allowed to bump other cars, even though there were times when Sebastian itched to hit the cars of other drivers who annoyed him. But here, he could bump all he wanted.

The arena was full of cars but there was still ample room to manoeuvre. The cars were all painted in primary colours, and every time a vehicle bumped into another one, flashing lights would come on under the car and a jingle would sound. It was all so gloriously campy. Sebastian eagerly joined the queue and selected a red car.

“Red for Ferrari, Seb?” Kimi quipped. He had picked a blue one himself.

“Blue for your Finnish roots, Kimi?” Sebastian retorted.

“I’m going to bump you into next week, Vettel,” Kimi warned. “Payback for you dragging me into this.”

“Stop lying to yourself; you’re enjoying this,” Sebastian joked. “I know you’ve got a sense of humour in there somewhere. After all, didn’t you once enter a boat race dressed in a gorilla suit?”

Kimi grimaced. “That was a long time ago and may have involved a bet. But that’s none of your business.”

“We’ll settle this in the arena,” Sebastian decided. “Whoever gets the most hits on the other wins.”

“You’re on!”

The two drivers revved their bumper cars and entered the fray. They got a few good hits on each other before Sebastian started to escape to another part of the arena, bumping a lot of the other cars out of the way.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Kimi bellowed. “Stop running away!”

“You can’t catch me!” Sebastian called back.

Their driving skills were tested to the limit as other bumper car drivers decided that it would be fun to gang up on these two, and they were buffeted on all sides by cars.

“Come on, Mandy, my darling, you can do it!” Sebastian urged.

Kimi happened to be passing by then and heard it. “You named the car?!”

“I always name my cars!”

“This is a bumper car! You’re not going to see it after today.”

“No reason not to have a good relationship with it while I can.”

Their conversation was drowned by a cacophony of jingles and flashing lights as more people bumped into them. As much as Kimi tried to remain professional, there was something satisfying with crashing into other people like this. He was almost regretful when the horn sounded, indicating that the session was over.

“What’s this, Kimi?” Sebastian asked when they got out of the arena. “You look like you want to go again.”

Kimi pulled on his cool face again. “I don’t know what you mean.”

* * *

“Oh, look Jenson, they’re so cute!” Nico gushed. “Can we ride them?” 

They were passing by a go-karting circuit now, but instead of cars, it was an array of furry robot animals that attracted both children and adults alike to race round and round the track.

“I don’t see why not,” Jenson said. “As long as there’s somewhere for me to put my stuff.” He indicated his High Striker trophy and lollipop. Thankfully, the troll figurine was small enough to go into his pocket.

“You could eat the lollipop. Then we would have one less thing to keep track of,” Nico suggested.

“I can’t eat it all in one go. I do want to keep my teeth, you know?” Jenson retorted. He looked around and spotted some cubbies near the robot sheds. “I’ll put them in here. Go pick out our rides.”

Nico smirked and sauntered over to the robot animals. There were a lot to choose from and he contemplated whether to choose a sensible one or a funny one.

“You look like I asked you to sell your soul,” Jenson quipped, coming up behind him. “This isn’t the Grand Prix. Just pick an animal.” He was already heading in the direction of a green triceratops. An attendant hurried forward to help him pull it out of the line and set it up. “Hurry up, Nico, or I’ll go without you.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll take the pink panther, then,” Nico decided, picking the robot that was the sixth in the row. Like before, the attendant prepared the robot for him.

“Race you!” Jenson declared, and stepped on the accelerator. His triceratops shot forward, out of the shed and onto the circuit.

“No fair! You didn’t count down!” Nico called. He too gunned the accelerator. The pink panther surged forward. It made good time for a few metres. Then, the speed gradually got slower and slower. “No! Why is this so slow? Hurry up!” He stepped on the accelerator again. The pink panther chugged along half-heartedly.

“Need a pitstop, Rosberg?” Jenson taunted as he made a second pass.

“Shut up, Button!” Nico snapped. “Go, you!” he yelled at the pink panther. It made sad groaning sounds. “Mechanic! Where’s the mechanic!”

“Are you sure you won the world championship?” Jenson asked as he came round a third time.

“Not with this piece of junk, I didn’t,” Nico told him. “No!” he wailed at the pink panther. “I can’t lose to that guy. Come on, pink panther! Move!” He kicked it like how one would kick a horse to make it move. There was a jerk and the robot leaped forward a metre before coming to a complete halt. A little girl riding a fluffy white sheep giggled as she passed. “Go around, go around,” Nico instructed wearily, directing the riders behind him.

When Jenson passed him a fourth time, Nico gave up and started walking his pink panther back to the shed. The attendant was apologetic and offered him a different robot but he decided he’d had enough. Jenson came back in once his time was up and sympathised. “I’m sure you would have had fun,” he said. “You can have my lollipop as a consolation prize.”

“You just want me to carry it for you, don’t you?” Nico guessed.

“Well, yes, but you can open it and eat it if you want,” Jenson offered kindly.

“Nope. Let’s move on. Sebastian and Kimi may already be ahead of us,” Nico reminded him. “Did we take a selfie at the go-karts?” He took out his phone and thumbed through the photos.

It turned out that they did not, which caused them to run back as quickly as they could. They made the attendant pull their triceratops and pink panther out again so they could pose on the circuit with them, much to the amusement of everyone around.


	4. Chapter 4

“We should play a game next,” Sebastian decided as he and Kimi walked away from the bumper cars. He consulted the map. “We’re heading in the right direction, towards the other side of the fair. We just need to find a game that’s along the way.”

“There’s one over there,” Kimi pointed.

“Good lord, he speaks!” Sebastian exclaimed in mock reverence. “And he’s right. Let’s go play that one.”

It was a game of balloon darts. The attendant greeted them cheerfully and explained the game with many flourishes and exclamations. It was a very simple game – just throw darts at the balloons and pop as many as they could within one minute.

Sebastian went first. He had played darts before, usually with a dart board inside a pub, and he considered himself a relatively good player. The attendant started up a cartoonishly huge stopwatch. Sebastian picked up his first dart and threw it. It bounced off the balloon. “That’s unexpected,” he said to himself. He picked up another dart to try again. Once again, it bounced off the balloon.

“You’re supposed to burst them,” Kimi commented from the side.

“I know that. It’s harder than it looks,” Sebastian said. He picked up his third dart and tried again, this time angling it differently. It flew directly at a yellow balloon and burst it, causing confetti to flutter down to the ground. “Yes!”

“You need to burst at least three to win a prize,” the attendant reminded. “30 more seconds.”

Sebastian was more confident now and threw his next dart. This one went wildly awry, hit the side of the stall and ricocheted. Kimi had to dodge to avoid being hit by the stray dart. “You’re going to take someone’s eye out!” he complained.

“Sorry!”

He knew he had a few more seconds so he grabbed his next dart as quickly as he could and threw it. This one hit a pink balloon, causing more confetti to come out.

“And time’s up,” the attendant announced. “Two balloons. Sorry, sir, no prize.”

Sebastian gave a little gesture of annoyance. “Your turn, Kimi,” he said.

Kimi sighed. “Darts. We could have stayed at the café and played darts. I saw a nice dart board at the back.”

“But does the dart board release confetti every time you hit it?” Sebastian questioned. “This one does.”

Kimi shook his head in exasperation. He picked up his first dart and threw it. It made contact with a red balloon and burst it with a bang. He picked up a second dart. This one hit a yellow balloon. Third dart; green balloon. Fourth dart; red balloon. Bang, bang, bang.

“You’re making me look bad,” Sebastian griped. “Remind me never to play darts with you for money.”

Every single dart Kimi picked up found its target. It got to the point where the attendant confessed that they had run out of darts but Kimi had not yet run out of time. “I think we can safely say you’re our grand prize winner, sir,” the attendant told him. “Hang on; I’ll get your prize.”

She scurried off behind the balloon board and emerged moments later carrying a huge pink stuffed toy unicorn. “Congratulations, sir!” she said, foisting the unicorn into Kimi’s arms.

Kimi was flabbergasted. “You’re joking, right?” he asked.

“No, sir. This is the grand prize,” the attendant said. “I also have a Mickey Mouse, if you prefer.”

“Is it smaller than this?” Kimi ventured.

The attendant shook her head. “No. Actually, I think it might be bigger. The kids love it.”

“Do I look like a kid to you?!”

“He means ‘thank you’,” Sebastian interrupted, steering Kimi away before he could lose his temper with the attendant. “Come on, Kimi. I can take the unicorn off your hands. My girls would love it.”

Kimi immediately pushed the toy to Sebastian. “Here, take it! I gladly give it to you.”

Sebastian resisted. “Wait, before you do, we need to take a selfie!” 

* * *

The ferris wheel loomed up before Nico and Jenson. Loud jazz music played from speakers attacked to the hub, and the spokes were covered in lights that twinkled brightly even in the sunlight. Going around it were 12 carriages, shaped like woven baskets with a beach umbrella sticking up from the middle. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Jenson?” Nico asked.

“That we should ride the ferris wheel?” Jenson asked in reply.

Nico nodded with an excited twinkle in his eye. “The view should be amazing up there,” he observed. “And it’d be nice to have a bit of a rest.”

“Who was it who was going on about me being old?” Jenson teased.

“I take back everything I said,” Nico conceded. “Now, can we ride the ferris wheel?”

There was not much of a queue and the pair managed to make it on quite quickly. The carriages did not stop so they had to jump on as it passed the boarding platform. “See you in 20 minutes,” the attendant cheerfully told them as he secured their carriage door.

Nico and Jenson relaxed in their carriage and enjoyed the cool breeze that wafted through the area. Then, Nico suddenly sat up. “Did he say 20 minutes?”

“Yes. 20 minutes,” Jenson confirmed.

“We’re going to lose! Seb and Kimi are going to get ahead.”

Jenson seemed a little concerned. “I didn’t think of that,” he admitted. Nico looked around frantically as though trying to find a way to get off the ride.

“You can’t climb down, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Jenson remarked calmly.

Nico immediately banished the thought from his mind. “Of course not. I’m a race car driver, not Spiderman.” He sighed. “This is all my fault. I wanted to ride the ferris wheel. I’m sorry, Jenson.”

“Don’t take all the credit; I agreed to come along on the ride too, you know?” Jenson looked out over the fair. “You have to admit, it is kind of nice up here.”

Nico took in the view too. “Look!” he pointed. “Isn’t that Seb and Kimi over there, heading towards that sand pit?”

“Sand pit? What are they doing in a sand pit?” Jenson wondered, scooting over to look where Nico was pointing. “What is that pink thing Seb’s carrying?”

“I’m thinking the exact same thing. I wish I had some binoculars.” Nico took out his cellphone and tried to zoom in as far as it would go. It still was not enough. He suddenly yelled Sebastian and Kimi’s name and waved vigorously. Jenson joined in as well, but their two friends were too far away.

“We should stop before everyone thinks we’ve gone bonkers,” Jenson suggested. “And I’m getting thirsty.”

“We’ll get some snacks when the ride is over,” Nico decided. He took a photo of his two friends in the distance, thinking it would amuse them to see it later. He took a few photos of Jenson, as well as selfies for himself.

“Would you like some of the lollipop?” Jenson offered, holding out the huge candy.

Nico grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sebastian had been intrigued by the sign. “Digging For Dinosaurs” it had proclaimed, and pointed to an enormous area that was covered in sand. This was certainly something he would not pass over. Kimi, however, was not happy about it.

“Digging? We have to dig? In the dirt?” he moaned. “If I’d known I’d be getting dirty, I would have worn a different outfit.”

“It’s just a bit of sand,” Sebastian said dismissively. “How bad can it be?”

They were greeted by an attendant, who explained the game. There were little plastic dinosaurs hidden throughout the pit. They had 10 minutes to dig up as many dinosaurs as they could. Each dinosaur corresponded to a certain number of points, which would win them prizes. The attendant handed them small yellow plastic shovels and a bucket, and led them out to the sandpit.

The sandpit was crowded. However, most of the people were digging around the edges of the pit.

“Come on, Kimi, I’ve got a plan,” he announced, and led the way in to the centre of the pit where no one was digging. When, he reached the centre, he handed Kimi a shovel. “Here you go, let’s dig here.”

Kimi half-heartedly drove the shovel into the sand. Because the shovel was so small, the two men were forced to squat down and dig. Sebastian dug like he was looking for buried gold. Kimi’s actions seemed more like moving sand around than actual digging. A breeze went by, blowing sand all over the place.

“I’ve got one!” Sebastian reached his hand into his hole and pulled out a green plastic brontosaurus. “I wonder how many points this is.”

“They should have a tally board so we can keep score,” Kimi grumbled. “I wish they’d also have boots so this sand doesn’t keep getting everywhere.”

“That’s the fun of it. Pretend you’re at the beach,” Sebastian cajoled. “Building a sand castle and trying to dig to China on a warm sunny day.”

“Warm is right,” Kimi lamented. He wiped perspiration from his brow with his sleeve. “Did they say 10 minutes? Two is more than enough.”

“No, it’s not. Come on, we’ve only got one dinosaur. Put your back into it, man!” Sebastian ordered. “Find me more dinos!”

Kimi scowled but began digging with more vigour. He did not bother to put the sand in a neat pile, but flung shovelfuls willy-nilly over his shoulder, which blew away in the wind.

“I’ve got another one!” Sebastian announced, waving another brontosaurus by its tail.

“Wonderful,” Kimi dead-panned.

“You need to find one too. Do you want me to help you?” Sebastian offered. He moved over to Kimi’s hole and started digging with him. Soon, the hole doubled and tripled in size.

Suddenly, Kimi let out a yelp and jumped backwards faster than Sebastian had ever seen him move. “What?” Sebastian asked in alarm.

“Snake!” Kimi shouted, pointing at the hole.

“It can’t be. Snakes don’t live in sandpits.”

Kimi continued to insist it was a snake. Sebastian gingerly moved to Kimi’s spot and looked into the hole. There was, indeed, something snake-like in the hole, but it did not look like any creature he had ever seen.

“Careful, Seb. You don’t want to get bitten,” Kimi warned from a safe distance away.

Sebastian was quite sure this was not a snake. But to be certain, he took his shovel, carefully reached into the hole and poked at it. When nothing happened, he put his hand in and pulled it out. “It’s a rubber snake!” he laughed. “A toy.” He threw it at Kimi, who flung his hands up in horror as he tried to avoid the creature. He tripped and fell back onto the sand. Sebastian threw some sand at him as he continued to laugh. Kimi grabbed a handful of sand too, and it quickly escalated into a mini sand war.

“Oi, you two!” an attendant bellowed at them through a loudspeaker. “Out! Disqualified! Fighting is not allowed in the sandpit!”

“This is all your fault,” Kimi hissed at Sebastian.

“You’re the one who overreacted to the ‘snake’,” Sebastian countered.

“You wanted to play this stupid game in the first place,” Kimi reminded him. “Now there’s sand all over me. I’m sure it’s gotten into places it’s not supposed to get into either.”

“Ok, that I can fix, if you just stand still.” Sebastian grabbed Kimi by the shoulder and began slapping him all over to get the sand out. Kimi roared at him, and it descended into yet another tussle on the ground as they both tried to stop the other.

* * *

Twenty minutes on the ferris wheel passed faster than Nico and Jenson thought it would. When they reached the end of the ride, they both decided that they needed to go for another ride.

“Maybe not on the ferris wheel though,” Nico said. “A different one so we can make up our quota of five.”

“I saw some haunted house rides on the map. Shall we do those?” Jenson suggested.

They headed to the haunted houses near the far end of the fair. What they thought was many rides was actually just one, but it made its way through several haunted houses fused together. The façade of the houses was made of cracked wooden slats, and the windows were boarded up. Some had red stains on them to mimic blood. Strands of cotton that were supposed to be spiders’ webs were draped all over the house too. Every now and then, the boards at a window would open and reveal a skeleton or a vampire.

Nico and Jenson happily entered the house. The inside was lit with multicoloured lights – mostly greens and purples – and eerie music was playing.

“Welcome!” The pair jumped when a heavily accented voice began to speak. “Welcome to my house of horrors. You are brave to have ventured so far from the light. Now, step into my private carriage. Let me take you farther into my domain.”

A small cart that was made up to look like an open top carriage trundled through a set of doors. Nico and Jenson exchanged smirks then climbed in. It began moving smoothly through the house, showing them scenes of murder and ghostly apparitions. Nico took his camera and took a selfie.

“Photography is not permitted in my realm,” the voice said quickly.

“Well, you should have told us that right from the start,” Nico pointed out.

“Away with the cameras! Away, away! They are banished. Nevermore shall their presence blight my land.”

“If you’re really a vampire, you wouldn’t show up on a camera anyway,” Jenson reminded the voice.

“I did not say I was a vampire,” the voice sounded exasperated. “Anyway,” it resumed its forceful accent, “Do not speak unless spoken to.”

“You _did_ speak to us,” Nico remarked.

“Silence, mortals! Observe the horrors you see before you!”

“Horrors is right. All these cobwebs are terrible. You need to get better home help,” Jenson giggled.

“All the help in the world will do you no good if you are dead,” the voice boomed.

“The wailing chorus of the damned is a bit of an overkill too,” Jenson remarked as the sounds of screams filled the air.

“My torture chamber,” the voice informed them in a satisfied tone. “Where I keep the bodies of those who displease me. Many have come down into the dark lands, but few return into the light.”

“I swear I read that in a book somewhere,” Jenson said. “I can’t remember exactly where.”

“Your memory's going in your old age,” Nico teased.

“Death cares not if you are old or young! It beats on the gates of kings and paupers alike!”

“That’s definitely a quote. It was a videogame. I was playing it recently,” Nico determined.

“You are playing with the dark forces!”

Jenson looked like he was having a fit as he struggled extremely hard not to burst into loud peals of laughter. “The dark side of the force?”

“The forces of EVIL!” the voice intoned.

The ride was plunged into darkness and the sound of fluttering wings was heard overhead. Something dry began brushing in their faces.

“Man, the bat infestation is so bad,” Nico complained. “You know who you should call in? Batman!”

“There is a special place in hell for those who make bad puns,” the voice grumbled. “And those who talk in haunted houses.”

“Hear that, Jenson, we should keep our traps shut. It’s cramping his style,” Nico scolded.

“Those who obey my orders have a greater chance of escaping my realm in one piece,” the voice said.

Jenson burst out laughing at that. He did not stop laughing all the way until the ride ended and they emerged from the haunted house, where he sat on the steps and laughed some more. “Oh my god, that was the best haunted house I have ever visited,” he said when he finally calmed down enough to speak.

“You’re supposed to be terrified, not laughing like a loony,” Nico chided. “And we weren’t supposed to be arguing with the commentator. Really cramped his style. He sounded so annoyed with us at the end.”

“We have to go again if we have the time,” Jenson adamantly said. “And we’ll bring Seb and Kimi. Kimi’ll give that guy a run for his money.”

“That is, if they let us back in. I won’t be surprised if they black listed us."

Jenson started laughing again. “Sorry,” he giggled, wiping away tears of laughter. “I just thought of all the bad puns that guy would have made with ‘black list’. Satan’s evil minions, black hearted blaggards, ‘ye who descend into the dark depths’…”

Nico grinned. “They should hire you to write the script for them. You’d do such a great job.”

“I’d crack up all the visitors. Instead of the House of Horrors, it’d be the Loony Bin!”

“Greatest attraction of Uncle Bingo’s Fun Fair!”


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian and Kimi picked themselves up and dusted themselves off after their little wrestle on the ground outside the sandpit. They were no worse for wear, and it was not the first time they got into fisticuffs.

“What next?” Kimi asked, consulting the map. “I believe we are almost done. Let’s hurry and then we can get out of here and do something more civilised.”

“Let’s do a ride,” Sebastian suggested. “It’s fun, simple and we don’t have to do anything except sit there. If we pick the right one, we might even make up for lost time. I picked the roller coaster last time. Your turn to choose.”

Kimi studied the map carefully. Since they were supposed to meet Nico and Jenson at the other end of the fair, he picked a ride that was close to he meeting point. “This one. The pirate ship,” he said, pointing at the little pirate icon on the map.

Sebastian led the way, weaving skilfully through the crowd, which had increased as the afternoon wore on. Quite a few people were wearing plastic Viking helmets with huge horns protruding from the sides. He wondered what that was all about, but did not feel like stopping anyone to ask. He figured he would find out as long as he kept walking. It did not take him long. At the entrance of the pirate ship ride, an attendant was handing out Viking helmets to those who were taking their place on the ship.

“I’ve changed my mind. Let’s not do this ride,” Kimi said, drawing up short next to Sebastian.

Sebastian grabbed Kimi’s arm before his friend could run away. “Oh no, we’re going on this ride. Definitely, for sure.”

“I don’t want to wear that silly hat!” Kimi protested. “Let’s find something else that doesn’t require headwear. There are so many other rides. Like the swings or ferris wheel…”

Sebastian did not listen and just dragged Kimi towards the entrance. They were the last two to be let on and Sebastian pushed Kimi on before him to ensure he did not try to make an escape. The attendant handed them the helmets and watched as they put them on.

“Now, you may feel like screaming or yelling during the ride,” the attendant briefed them. “But remember, you are Viking pirates! Pillaging and plundering be our game. No squealing like girls. You’ll let out a barbaric ‘YAWP’! Got that? Let me hear you…” The whole ship gave a bellow in reply. “Arr! Smooth sailing!”

The attendant leaped off the side of the ship and pressed a button. The pirate ship began to sway back and forth. It was gentle at first, like being on a swing. “Not too bad, isn’t it, Kimi?” Sebastian commented, nudging his friend.

The arcs began to get wider and the ship swung higher. “So much better than your roller coaster death trap,” Kimi said. The ship began to swing so much that it were practically vertical at the apexes. He raised his arms up and cheered as it plunged down. Sebastian copied the gesture and found it was extremely enjoyable; almost like freefalling. The force of the wind was so strong that he had felt his Viking helmet shifting off his head and had to scramble to catch it.

The ride ended far too soon for either of them. As they got off, they looked around to see if Nico and Jenson had arrived yet. Seeing no sign of their friends, they glanced at each other and unanimously agreed: “Let’s go again!”

* * *

Nico and Jenson meandered their way to the end of the fairground. They spotted Sebastian dragging Kimi to the pirate ship ride and sniggered at the sight. They still had one more ride or game to play to fulfil their quota of five and were looking around to see what was interesting. They were attracted to a large stall that had 12 red buckets arranged in two pyramids of six buckets. Water was running from the area in rivulets.

“What’s this then?” Jenson asked the attendant at the stall.

“Sort of a beer pong, but with basketballs,” the attendant answered. “You take a basketball and attempt to shoot it into your opponent’s bucket. If you do, your opponent has to dump a bucket of water over himself. Last one with buckets remaining wins.”

“Sounds messy,” Nico remarked. “I don’t have a change of clothes.”

“We provide free ponchos, and there isn’t too much water inside the buckets,” the attendant assured him.

“What do you say, Rosberg?” Jenson challenged.

“You’re going down, Button!” Nico accepted.

They both donned clear plastic ponchos and picked up their basketballs. The attendant flipped a coin to determine who would be going first. Nico won. He bounced his basketball a few times to get the feel of it, then threw it in a graceful overhead throw. Unfortunately, it brushed against the lip of Jenson’s bucket then fell onto the ground. Nico groaned.

Jenson took careful aim and tossed his basketball. It sailed across the space and landed squarely in Nico’s corner bucket. He punched the air in glee. “Time to get wet, Rosberg!” he whooped.

Nico emptied his pockets then gamely took up the bucket. After a moment’s hesitation, he tipped the bucket and let the water run over him. “ _Gott verdammt_! It’s cold!” he howled.

“Sorry, sir, these buckets have been sitting out here for a while now,” the attendant apologised.

Nico shook his head to clear the water that was dripping down from his brow. “You’ll pay for this, Jenson,” he warned. He grabbed another basketball and threw it wildly at Jenson’s buckets, figuring that since it had not worked when he tried to aim, he would see what happened if he did not aim. This time, it knocked Jenson’s front bucket onto its side. “Yes, that counts! It has to count!”

“Sorry, sir, the ball has to go into the bucket,” the attendant apologised again. “It’s your friend’s turn again.”

Jenson’s second throw was no less accurate. Very soon, Nico was again soaking wet. “I’m going to need another poncho,” he griped. The attendant handed him another one. His next throw went wide and did not go anywhere near Jenson’s buckets. On Jenson’s next turn, he clearly threw the game, and the basketball did not enter any bucket either.

“What’s going on guys?” Sebastian asked cheerfully as he and Kimi wandered up and observed the game. They were both wearing Viking helmets.

“Something like beer pong,” Jenson explained.

“Who’s winning?” Kimi inquired.

“Who do you think?” Nico fumed, shaking water in his direction. “I don’t care how long it takes. The old man must get wet today!”

“Give it your best shot, Rosberg!” Jenson taunted.

Nico took another basketball and bounced it a few times. “Time to use the Force,” he announced. “I am one with the Force; the Force is with me.” He threw the basketball. It fell far short of Jenson’s buckets.

“Need more force there, Nico,” Kimi suggested.

“He’s right,” Jenson said. “You’ve got to calculate the angle of release, the tension in the wrist and the force and velocity. Everything has to be just right so that…” he tossed his basketball, which landed squarely in Nico’s middle bucket, “it’ll land right where you want it to.”

Sebastian strode forward, grabbed the bucket and moved towards Nico. Nico moved to dodge him, yelling: “No, no! This is unfair! Why are you on his side? No taking sides! Argh!” Sebastian did not bother to catch him and just threw the bucket of water at him. “Not cool, Vettel! Not cool!”

Sebastian went for another bucket, not waiting for Jenson to throw a basketball. Kimi abandoned his aloof air and picked up a bucket to chase after Nico as well. Jenson decided to join in the fun. Three buckets were poured over Nico at once, leaving him more sodden than he had ever been. “Guys!” he hollered in exasperation.

“I guess game’s over. Face it, I would have won,” Jenson quipped.

“I hope you won a t-shirt,” Nico retorted. “Because this poncho has done nothing to keep the water off me.”

“Actually, the prize is, um… this,” the attendant held up a clear plastic bag containing a goldfish. “Congratulations, sir.” He handed it to Jenson who inspected awkwardly. He then turned to Nico and gave him a bright orange t-shirt. “On the house,” he said.

Nico unfolded it and groaned when he saw what was printed on it in huge friendly letters: “Uncle Bingo’s!!!”


	7. Chapter 7

“All in all, I think that was an enjoyable day,” Sebastian summed up. He, Kimi, Nico and Jenson had adjourned to a restaurant for dinner and to regale one another with tales of the day. There was much sharing of selfies and photos, as well as showcasing the loot they had picked up.

Jenson and Nico’s half-eaten lollipop was broken up so Sebastian and Kimi could have some too. Sebastian’s large pink unicorn had a chair all to itself. The two Viking helmets sat awkwardly before it, like two sacrificial offerings. Jenson’s troll figurine and High Striker trophy were arranged next to it, and Nico managed to ask the restaurant staff to provide a bowl to put the goldfish in. No one was quite sure what to do with the goldfish, though Jenson seemed to be growing more attached to it. 

“Who won the competition in the end?” Kimi asked.

Everyone looked around, not daring to declare themselves the winner, but not wanting to say the other team won. Finally, Jenson said: “I suppose you guys won, since the aim was to see who could finish first and you did.” Sebastian immediately gave Kimi a high five.

“I’ll foot the bill,” Nico volunteered. “It was my idea to visit the fair in the first place.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Jenson glowered. “It was your idea, but it was a good one. And, anyway, I think you’ve suffered enough for one day. Just sit back and enjoy your dinner." 

“We’ll all pay our share,” Sebastian adjudicated. “We all had fun today, thanks to you, Nico. Even Kimi. You can treat us to ice cream for dessert. And I mean high-class Italian-style creamy gelato.”

“That sounds fair,” Nico agreed. “I saw an interesting-looking gelato vendor in the fair. We could all buy some then eat it while riding the ferris wheel and getting a beautiful view of the night scenery…”

“Save that for a date with your wife, Rosberg,” Kimi interrupted. “We’re happy with just the ice cream off the menu here.”

“What are we going to do after dinner?” Jenson asked. “The night is still young.”

“Isn’t it past your bedtime by now?” Nico teased. “It was such a long day. You must be exhausted from defeating me in every game. We should give you a bottle and tuck you into bed.”

“I’ll go quietly as long as it’s a bottle of lager,” Jenson joked.

“Guys,” Sebastian stage whispered. “I spot something very interesting at the front of the restaurant.”

Everyone craned their necks to see. It was a small stage with a projector screen, sound system and a few microphones.

“What do you think?” Sebastian asked wickedly.

“Karaoke!” Nico and Jenson cheered, grabbing their spoons and started belting out “Wonderwall” by Oasis very loudly.

Sebastian joined in, adding his own very exaggerated seated dance moves. “Come on, Kimi! You know you want to,” he urged during a break in the song in which Nico started playing air guitar.

Kimi put his head down on the table and groaned. “Oh guys! No!”

“Guys, yes!” Sebastian leaned over to his friend. “Come on. ‘Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me… and after all…”

Kimi sighed, rolled his eyes and finished: “You’re my wonderwall.”

 

**THE END**


End file.
